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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865694">together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo'>artsyleo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-it, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, like minor but it happens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:35:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865694</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>a coda from the episode on 6/10/2020</p><p>Callum's done with all the lies. He can't do it any more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tw - its pretty tame compared to my usual stuff but like very light references to child abuse and kinda panic attack/breakdown? what we've all been waiting to happen to callum over on tumblr basically lmao</p><p>also i finished this at midnight with only google docs as my spellcheck so like if there's any mistakes take it up with google</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Not only that, Callum, I’ve got you assaulting Danny Hardcastle on tape.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum’s world is falling apart, right in front of him. His heart’s racing, and the only thing he can think is </span>
  <em>
    <span>how the fuck is he going to make it out of this one?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“So if you back out, I’ll make sure you won’t be facing a suspension,” he says, and there’s a self-satisfied </span>
  <em>
    <span>smirk </span>
  </em>
  <span>on his face that makes something in Callum’s stomach lurch. “You’ll be joining Ben in prison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it says something about him, but the first thing he thinks is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he cannot let Ben go back there</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because he thinks that Jay from a week ago is right, because going back to prison- it would kill him. It takes a while for it to click that he’s threatening </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>too, that he could be going to prison for this. Fuck, of all the things he’d thought his life would be, he’d never expected this. His dad would be proud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That thought alone sweeps nausea through his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your choice, Callum,” Thompson says, and there’s fake sympathy in his voice, soft and sweet in a way that makes Callum want to flinch away. It’s all a front, really- what part of this does Callum have a choice in? It’s either him and Ben or Phil, and there’s no way out of it now. Fuck, he’s been so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Did he really think he could make it out of this with everyone he loves by his side? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brain’s a mess, he’s got no clue what’s going on with him, and he’s got no idea how he’s ever going to keep this a secret, but there’s one thing he knows, one thing that’s clearer than anything-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben survives this. Whatever happens, Ben gets out of this a free man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So no one else knows about this?” Callum asks, and he almost gets to revel in the satisfaction that crosses Thompson’s face when he thinks he’s got him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, they don’t, I can assure you of that,” he says, and he goes to open the car door again. Callum puts his hand against it to stop him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then maybe your superiors would be interested to know that a DI is blackmailing a junior?” Callum says, and he does get to relish the look of surprise on Thompson’s face when he says it, even if just for a minute, before it changes to anger, then back to the smug look that Callum’s so used to seeing, the one he hates so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your words against mine, </span>
  <em>
    <span>officer,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he says, and the way he says it with such contempt makes an embarrassed blush come to his cheeks, and he feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>ashamed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not for the first time. “Are you really trying to threaten me, Callum? It’s pathetic, really. You couldn’t intimidate a child if you tried. Call yourself an officer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pathetic. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fuck, he hates the word with a burning passion and the worst thing is he knows it’s true. He is pathetic, thinking he can really do this, thinking he can get out of this without someone having to come and rescue him. That blush is higher on his face now, climbing up to his ears and he just wants to hide away, wants Ben to come and rescue him and tell him that </span>
  <em>
    <span>it’s not true</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that he’s worth more than this, but he can’t. Ben can’t know, and there’s no one coming for him. He’s on his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s never felt more alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Thompson says, and that self-satisfied smile is back on his face as he opens the car door again, shoves the wire back in Callum’s hands and gets back in the driver’s side.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you run off to?” Ben says, just as he walks back into the Mitchell kitchen. “Lexi wants you to go and say goodnight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, I’ll pop up in a minute, need to get changed anyway,” he says, and there’s a fake little laugh that accompanies it and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he hopes Ben doesn’t recognise it. Of course, the other man knows him too well, and straight away there’s concern written across his face. He leaves where he’s leaning up against the counter and crosses the room to him, arms immediately coming to wrap around his waist and he’s reminded once again how it feels impossible that they actually spent months apart. It’s automatic, now, that they come together like this, reassure each other with gentle touches like this, a constant that reminds them both that they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” he whispers, bringing himself so that they’re chest to chest, and no matter the guilt that’s welling up inside Callum now he can’t resist bringing his arms up and around Ben, pulling him impossibly closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, just- wanted to clear my head. Long day,” he lies, and it scares him how easily he lies now, how easily he does stuff like this to the man that he says that he loves, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span>, with everything that he is, but this isn’t right. No good boyfriend, no good </span>
  <em>
    <span>man </span>
  </em>
  <span>would do this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s the root of it, really. He’s not a good person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hates it, but it’s the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s face is hidden in his neck now, so Ben doesn’t see it, but he can already feel his eyes burning. Ben’s hands move down and he realises too late just what he’s going to find there, and fuck he needs to tell him but </span>
  <em>
    <span>not like this, not yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s too late, though. Ben’s hands shift to his back pockets and stop when they feel the bulge in one of them. He thinks if things were better right now Ben would make some joke about bulges, but he’s clearly already seen it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pulls the wire out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe,” he says. “What’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pulls away from him, and Callum physically has to stop himself from reaching out for reassurance again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God,” Ben says, and he’s obviously realised what it is, because he’s holding the tech like it burns his hands, and there’s disgust in his eyes. “Oh my God.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, wait-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a wire, ain’t it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum can’t say anything- he doesn’t know what there is to say. He wants to deny it all, say it’s just something he found on the street, say he needs to take it into the station when he goes tomorrow and </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s all, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but he can’t because the words don’t fit right in his throat, like his body just can’t bear lying to the man he loves any more. So he just stands silent, because if he’s silent he’s not lying, not digging himself into a bigger hole than he’s already in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That- that boss of yours gave this to you, didn’t he, told you to spy on us. You told him that you’re working with my dad, that’s why you agreed,” he says, and the words all come too fast out of Ben’s mouth. He slams the wire down on the table and Callum flinches, but Ben doesn’t notice because he’s got furious eyes trained on the table, white-knuckled fists lying next to each other on the wood. It’s anger he’s seen so many times before and it scares him, but he deserves it because he’s fucked </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Ben, I-I’m so s-so sorry, just- just let me explain, please-” he starts, and he’s downright begging now, and he’s given up all pretence of not being terrified because right now all he can think is that he can’t lose Ben, not now. It’s a constant, the same words over and over, looped in his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s pathetic,” Ben says, quietly, down to the table, and Callum only just hears it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I am, I know, Ben,” he says on instinct, maybe because he’s so used to hearing it, or maybe because he’s so worked up that the words don’t really compute right in his brain, because if he’d been in his right mind he’d know that Ben would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> call him that. Either way, the word is ringing around his head, old memories joining new ones, this time of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because he did wonder how long it would take for Ben to realise what everyone else already has. He brings his hands up to his face, hoping he can hide away from everything even though he knows it’s impossible, knows he has to face up to what he’s done. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Take a bow, Highway. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben doesn’t say anything for a while, and Callum thinks maybe he’s given up and gone, given up on him, finally. He’d expected it, of course, but it still burns disappointment in his chest, although whether that’s disappointment in himself or the situation he’s not sure. He thinks maybe he’s whimpering, and it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and there’s that word again, haunting him. The only thing he can ask now is that Phil doesn’t walk in on him like this, or Lexi, coming looking for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s about to try and yank the pieces of him that are peeling apart back together, because he just has to get out of this house, too many people he can disappoint here, when he feels soft hands on his wrists, and, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d recognise those hands anywhere. They’re gentle, trying to pull his own away from his face but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because he knows he’s crying now, and it’s ugly crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slides his hands around to the back of his neck, curling into himself and resisting the comfort of the hands holding onto him. It’s then that he realises he’s not just whimpering but muttering quietly to himself, that one word over and over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben doesn’t say anything, just pulls Callum into him, so that his forehead collides with Ben’s shoulder. Maybe it’s because he’s got that extra support now, but his knees just buckle under him. Ben guides the two of them to the floor and just holds Callum, and it’s way more than he deserves, especially after everything he’s done, because this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>all his fault. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, listen to me,” Ben says, and there’s still that edge to his voice but now it’s almost overwhelmed by concern. “Everything’s gonna be alright, okay? We’re gonna sort this out-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s blackmailing me,” Callum blurts out, because he’s had enough, he’s just so damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the secrecy. There’s silence for a minute, and then Ben shifts him a little, so that their eyes meet. It’s the first time Callum’s looked in his eyes all evening, and there’s so much in them that he doesn’t even know where to start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Ben says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thompson, the- the DI at work, he told me that if I got dirt on Phil he’d let you go. I tried to say no, Ben, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but then I saw Lexi, and I just couldn’t,” he whimpers. Once he’s started, he just can’t stop. Weeks of pressure is just breaking him, tearing pieces of him apart and he just can’t survive it any more. “Then- then he was asking me to wear a wire, and I saw Phil with Lexi and I said </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I said I couldn’t do it, Ben, because I don’t want you to hate me. But- but then he said he’s got something on me- he threatened me, if I didn’t carry on, we’d both go down. You can’t go back to prison, Ben, people </span>
  <em>
    <span>need you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, listen to me,” Ben says, and his voice is firm, and Callum can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>listen. He wonders just how many years of practice it takes to do this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll solve this, Cal,” he whispers, and that’s the first sign, the first thing that makes Callum believe that maybe there is a little hope, because Ben only calls him that when things are good between them. “I’ve got you. We’ll solve this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Together?” Callum whispers, and he’s staring up at Ben, wondering how this man could still possibly love him. Ben just smiles back and it’s not perfect, there’s still so much more than happiness in him and he’s sure there’s still some anger there, but it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>something. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Together.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>LET CALLUM HAVE A BREAKDOWN CHALLENGE 2020<br/>ahem,,, i hope you enjoyed this, and lets all hope that this sl pans out okay (and with callum having a mental health sl because i will not accept it in any other way) also come scream at me on tumblr if u want @artsy-highway n comments and kudos mean the world &lt;3 stay safe!<br/>leo x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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